Fatties

I have two real-life people who are in on my weight-loss goals. Aside from my household, of course. One of those people is my brother, who was actually (kinda-sorta) the person who inspired me in the first place.

He was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes a couple of years ago, and he started walking. Doctor's orders. We had discussed the diabetes, the walking, and the 25 pounds he ended up losing as a result. I think that was the point that made me realize it was not only for looks to shed my extra pounds, it was a necessity. My brother was 41 years old, carrying around probably 80 extra pounds, and in poor health. That was going to be me if I didn't do something about it.

It took another year for me to move from thinking to doing, but I did eventually. And I started reporting in to my brother. He is supposed to be losing weight too, so I was using it as an accountability factor for myself.

The point to all of this is that my brother knows I've been changing my eating habits, exercising regularly, and losing weight. As I've mentioned before, I don't talk about it to people, so it is kind of a Big Deal that he knows.

That's why I was shocked, absolutely shocked, when we were at a snack counter together during my visit, and he said, "We need two cookies for a couple of fatties." I was too shocked to say anything. I'm still shocked because I don't think he had ever in his life called me fat before then. EVER. This was the boy who was as thin as a board while I struggled and struggled with weight issues, who was my best friend despite my "fat kid" status, whose "popular kid" status kept me in the thick of things despite my tendency to be overweight and geeky.

He meant it as a joke. I shrugged it off at the time, but I've been thinking about it lately. Strangely, I'm wasn't angry about it. I wasn't even really upset. Shocked, yes, but I don't think I felt more than that. I still don't. He's still my best friend.

But why would he say that, when he knew that I had been working to change things? Now, two weeks later, I wonder if he is threatened by or afraid of my accomplishment. That sounds so strange to say that. It really does, but that's the only thing that makes sense to me, especially since he has never, ever been inconsiderate or insensitive in that way before.

I still need to mull it over a bit.

We had gone to TGI Friday's for lunch, and I had such a hard time finding something to eat that I just got what sounded good. BAD CHOICE. And I split a dessert with my husband. I knew the dessert was a bad decision. Anyone would! But I was honest and logged them into My Fitness Pal account like a good little logger, and I was 650 calories in the red. IN THE RED. The day had been busy. I hadn't exercised at all, and oh yeah, it showed. My normal workouts only log about 400 calories burned, which meant I would need to put in TWO workouts to get it back to green. And have any sort of snack!

I still had more to do after our late lunch (which ended at 3 pm), but later that night I decided that I wasn't going to bed with that counter still red. So I pulled out my stuff and started in. I tend to zone out and think about other things while I am working out, and for some reason this moment, this comment was there. I hadn't thought about it in two weeks, but I let it be my motivation last night. Held it in front and made it my reason for sweating.

That calorie counter was in the green when I went to bed, and I felt a huge sense of accomplishment.